One more day…

Thank you Rob for always knowing what to say, when to say it, how to say it and for making such a beautiful visual for what my heart is thinking even though my head was hesitant to admit.

For two and half months I have said multiple times that I wish I could just tell Mark one more time that I love him. But it would take more than just saying those words. I NEED one more day to SHOW him I love him.

How I wish I would have MADE him go to the ER when he said he was short of breath. I did encourage it but he said no. If I had one more day, I would just call for an ambulance and let him be angry with me after the fact. But I can’t.

There are so many things I want to say I am sorry for to him. If I had one more day, could I get it all out? More likely, I would need several more “one more days” to get it all out.

I am sorry that he felt he shouldered all the responsibility with the dogs. He didn’t just “feel” this, it was fact. This is all for another post.

I am sorry that he felt I didn’t want to be at home and would do anything (like working long hours) to stay away. This too, is for another post.

I am sorry that he felt alone when it came to dealing with his son. I tried to be supportive, regardless of what I personally thought. I know that was a difficult situation for Mark all the way around and I couldn’t make it better. I am proud of him for remaining true to himself and to what was right even if it was hard.

I am sorry we never went on a vacation together. I am sorry we let the night time silence become our norm. I am sorry I cant say these things to him now.

I am sorry I cannot put my arms around him and hear his heartbeat.

One more day would never be enough…

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