Tuesday – Maybe

I never gave much thought to specific days of the week until Mark died. TUESDAY, April 30th. Tuesday just sticks with me. I don’t understand it but, I wake up every Tuesday knowing it is Tuesday.

Today I heard an Allison Krause song that hit the nail on the head. How does that woman sing so many songs that are so wonderful? (Dang Dodo birds are trying to distract me…)

While I know the song is intended to be about a man leaving a woman (ie, moving out – I know because I just HAD to watch the video), the words touched deep inside me the first time I heard it (and the 2nd, 3rd, etc). This song just captured me… Google it, listen to it. (I dare ya!) The only part that doesn’t fit is “maybe it’s for the best” but if you can forgive that ONE line… maybe you will be able to understand how powerful this song is for me. Please! Don’t just read the words (below), go LISTEN to it. Allison Krause has a voice of an angel.

Yesterday the odds were stacked in favor of my expectations.
Flyin' above the rest, never fallin' from the nest.
Tuesday came and went and now I'm in a little situation.
Maybe it's for the best (NOT), I can live alone, I guess.

Maybe I can stand alone
Maybe I'm strong as stone.
Even though the bird has flown.
Maybe he'll fly on home.

Forgive me if I'm keeping you apart from better conversation.
I'm hung up on all my doubt trying to sort the whole thing out.
Tell me that I'm smart enough to deal with all the information
Spinning inside my head, every word he ever said.

Maybe I can stand alone
Maybe I'm strong as stone.
Even though the bird has flown.
Maybe he'll fly on home....

To say Mark fell from the nest is an understatement… He HAS flown though and I have to believe he flew HOME. I don’t HAVE to believe, I DO believe he flew home. So that leaves me to stand alone with all my doubts as to my ability to do so and try to deal with it all. It is overwhelming, no sugar coating that. It is scary. It is lonely.

But you know what I am finding out? I can be strong and still have doubts/fears. The key is to make sure I don’t let those doubts/fears overtake me. They will always try to shake me but I cant let it break me! Every moment I can STAND ALONE, turns into minutes, into hours, into days and so on. Even though the fears/doubts continue to shake me… it isn’t as often and it isn’t as debilitating.

Go listen… be strong. ❤

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