Five months…but who’s counting?

Sometimes I have a hard time finding the words. That’s odd because lately I have talked about Mark and his death a lot more than I have. I think I want to talk to people about him, about that day 5 months ago. Am I “wallowing in self pity”? I dont think so but what do I know? I just know what I feel.

This past weekend was a bit emotional for me. I didnt have periods of out & out bawling. It was just a weekend filled with leaky eyes. I stayed busy and it seemed like the dumbest times would catch me having to wipe my eyes. It was ok. So much is going on so I kind of expect it but still, again, no rhyme or reason. It just was.

Today, I know I held it all in. Mark was on my mind with almost every breath I took. I was just shy of tearing up all day. I would even say I was quiet. WHAT? Me? Quiet? Yep. Then, a few minutes after four pm , my phone dinged. I almost jumped out of my chair. A tear spilled out as if it was pushed and I looked to see who it was. Sharon (Mark’s boss) texted to say she was thinking of me & how it is hard to believe it has been 5 months. I had to ask… did she realize that she texted at almost the same time that she called that day? It wasnt intentional by any means. It just happened to be when she could text. Almost immediately, I had to giggle. I am going to chalk it up to Mark visiting us.

How I wish he would TALK to me but I find great comfort knowing he “whispers” in our ears at times. I will take that.

Whisper to me more Mark. I love you.

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