To where you are…

Today’s musical interlude is brought to you by Josh Groban.

Who can say for certain, maybe you’re still here. I feel you all around me, your memories so clear. Deep in the stillness, I can hear you speak. You’re still an inspiration. Can it be that you are mine forever love? And you’re watching over me from up above?

Fly me up to where you are. Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight to see you smile. If only for a while to know you’re there. A breath away’s not far to where you are.

Are you gently sleeping here inside my dream? And isn’t faith believing all power can’t be seen?’ As my heart holds you – just one beat away, I cherish all you gave me every day. ‘Cause you are mine, forever love, watching me from up above. And I believe that angels breathe. And that love will live on and never leave.

Fly me up to where you are. Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight to see you smile. If only for a while to know you’re there. A breath away’s not far to where you are.

I know you’re there… a breath away’s not far to where you are.

I have heard this song repeatedly but it wasnt until last week the words became so very clear and personal to me. I believe we hear and see what we need WHEN we need it. I obviously, needed it.

There are times I can literally FEEL Mark near me. Maybe that is wishful thinking but I fully embrace the hope that he is still near and watching over me. With that being said, what I would give to see his smile again or hear him laugh.

I recorded the message he left on our answering machine before I left Iowa. I must have listened to it 15 times tonight because I just needed to hear his voice. The cats stared up at me as if asking “Where is he? We hear him!” I kid you not. By the second playing of it, all 5 cats were surrounding me. I am obviously not the only one who misses him.

Well, I fell asleep in mid post here, plugged in laptop in my lap! I was woken up by all 5 cats crying. It was a different kind of cry. Not Bear’s typical “Mommy cry”, or Cami’s “the other cat’s are too near cry”. Scrappy rarely talks but even she was part of the conversation. Have you ever heard a cat talking to a bird through a window? It is similar to a chirping. That is what they were all doing. I tried the “hush babies” hoping they would let me finish this post & go back to sleep but they kept on. They were not getting louder, just continued. As I looked to where they were all looking, the battery operated candle that is beside the picture of Mark & I was lit. I am sure one of the cats stepped on the remote for the candle but there was a message there for me I am sure.

The Medical Examiner said Mark died between 3-5 am of a massive cardiac episode – immediate, painless. As I watch the cats chirping, the clock read 3:15! My heart started racing. I dont know if I wanted them to hush or keep talking. I started talking as well, telling Mark that if it was him, I love him still and miss him more than words could say. How many times did I say I was sorry? How many times did I say I loved him? How many times did I beg him to stay? Here we all are staring at a picture, rambling along together, each of us having a conversation with Mark when suddenly, the cats stop. I was mid plea when I realized I was the only “voice”. The clock read 3:47. I will never have proof of Mark’s true time of death, but I think- believe he shared that with us tonight.

I know some people will think I am losing it. I might be.

I know you’re there. A breath away’s not far to where you are.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s