I did it… somehow. I was able to get through my final “first”. The day after Mark died, my year was marked by “firsts”; Mark’s birthday without him, the first anniversary without him, the first Thanksgiving without him, the first Christmas without him, the first new years without him, the first Valentines day without him, my first birthday without him, my first “last day” and finally, the first anniversary of his death.
I know how I got through it. So many people had me in their thoughts & prayers. I could FEEL the warmth of hugs not physically given. This is the same way I have gotten through this past year – with the support of (to borrow Bryte’s word) my beloveds. I cannot thank them enough for the care & concern shown but moreso for showing me how to do the same for others.
This year has both flown by and dragged on & on. It seems like a million years ago that I got “that call” from Sharon saying Mark didnt come in to work. Yet seems like just yesterday that I sat with Jeni at Brosh Chapel. There are so many things that have changed and yet, many familiar things still surround me. This journey is far from over. I hope I can show some dignity and grace as I take each step. As I do, I know I am not alone. Family, friends, strangers I will still met walk with me, sometimes holding me up, sometimes just enjoying the path we are on. Mark is ever with me and my glorious God always holds me close.
I joyously look to the next “first” when I see Mark again. Like his headstone says:
This is not where it ends.